Vampires are the real cure for alcoholics.

Great-Aunt Marshall went back to San Fran today. The smell of lavender still permeates my flat. I have opened all my windows to let stale air in.
Tonight I was out drinking with Solz and Julie. One thing I noticed is that as a vamp, my alcohol intake level is higher than ever. I can drink shit and not get drunk. I mean, even before this I could almost outdrink even Solz but now it's like...several bottles of vodka and I'm still sober. I could be pulled over by a cop and not get caught. But damn. How am I suppose to drink myself into a stupor without totally blowing out loads of cash on copious amounts of licquor?

Lavender closing in on the horizon...

Aaaaand she's touched down! Yep, Great-Aunt Marshall is in town and rampaging her way through my apartment with her beady little eyes spotting every speck of dust.
The first thing she said to me was, "You're looking much better than you have in years. I supposed you've finally blossomed, eh?"
Yes, Aunt Marsh. I have "blossomed" into the living undead. You can never have a better niece that you can be prouder of.
And we did all the usual aunt-niece stuff like going to the cemetery to put flowers on my parents' graves and that pie place on Brunsdown Street that she always likes.
And we had dinner at this little restaurant down on Trilgiler Street when something strange happened as we left the restaurant. We were standing outside the restaurant waiting for the doorman to flag a cab when I could just feel this pair of eyes on me. I turned around to see this girl looking at me. Now she looks like a real Goth, you know, with long dark hair, pale skin, black lipstick, the coolest black clothes, the works. And she was really gorgeous and I don't know how I knew it...but I just knew she was a vampire. I knew it when I looked into those dark cold eyes of hers. And I don't know how I know...but I just did. Anyway, she turned away real quickly and went through this red door. I asked the doorman if he knew what was that and he said it was a club.
Club Vampira. So they really do do it like those Anne Rice novels. And they really do dress like Goths - or at least one of them does anyway. *snorts* How stereotypical. Note to self to check it out.

Incoming bat...

Great-Aunt Marshall is coming down tomorrow. Length of visit - indeterminate. I doubt it'll be long. We pretty much bore each other all the time.
I just hope she doesn't plan on sticking with me 24-7. How am I going to feed with her around? "Oh, hang on just a sec, Aunt Marsh, I'm just going to lure this sucker into a back alley and drink off some of his blood. Won't be long!"
I swear, though, Aunt Marsh is more of a vamp than I am. She's super-old with all this grey hair flying around her and lots of wrinkled skin hanging off her bones that makes her look very bat-like. She uses loads of lavender too - I get choked on lavender everytime I'm around her.
I went jogging tonight. I actually enjoy running now, especially at night. I think it's because I have so much more stamina these days.
Hmmm, with my superhuman powers I should think of trying out for the Olympics! I wonder if any champion athletes are vamps.

Your Routine Undead Life.

So everything has gone back to pretty much the norm. Well, as normal as you can get when you're the living undead.
I have invested in a very good brand of toothpaste and toothbrush as well as plenty of dental floss and Listerine. I have a feeling that I should be taking very good care of my teeth as I have to rely on them for my meals. I wonder what would happen if I asked a dentist for dentures with fangs. For that matter I wonder what would happen if I went to a dentist. Suppose he starts poking at my canine teeth and they start to grow in the middle of a scaling or whatever?
I wonder if I should buy an electric toothbrush.
Shit, I just got a call from Great-Aunt Marshall! She's coming up to town to visit me! God, what do I do? She's my last living relative and she can sniff out a lie from ten miles away.
I wonder if any vampires have vampire great-aunts that they have to deal with for the rest of their long lives. Imagine having to deal with Great-Aunt Marshall for the next fifty thousand years or so. For that matter, can vampires have families? Or are they all made, like I am?
Another thought. Are vampires immortal? Everyone says they are but just about every fact I have ever known about vampires has turned out to be nothing but bullshit except for the fact that we drink blood and have retractable fangs like cat claws. But I don't have a heart, or at least, I don't have a beating heart. So am I immortal? Hmmm.
I don't think I want to walk out in front of an incoming car and test that. Beating heart or no beating heart, I like being alive, or at least pseudo-alive, just fine.
I just realized I know next to nothing of my new, erm, race or species or whatever you call it. That's kind of pathetic for me. I mean, I couldn't care less that I know shit about vampires but if my secret ever comes out and people start asking me questions, they would think I'm pathetic.
Oh, come on. I'm an orphan with only a great aunt for a relative, and even though I'm suppose to treasure her like gold since she's my last living relative, I couldn't be more fed up with her. I'm not exactly little Ms Orphan Annie with a heart of gold, if you haven't noticed yet.
Ah, fuck it. I have to start cleaning up my flat before the old bat's inspection. Vampire History 101 can wait until she goes back to San Francisco.

Sunlight After Clouds.

Julie forced her way in tonight and sat me down for a "serious talk." "I and Solz have been worried about you," she said. "What's eating you? You haven't been acting like yourself for the past few weeks."
"It must have been the weather," I said, avoiding her gaze. "I told you, I haven't been feeling well lately."
"You look fantastic," she said accusingly. "You don't look sick at all. You've been blowing off classes." Suddenly her eyes widened. "You've got a boyfriend, haven't you? You've met some hot guy! And you haven't told me, you rat!"
I thought of Julian and for some reason I burst out laughing and couldn't stop laughing. "No, that's not it," I told her. All that laughing has suddenly made me feel way better. I haven't laughed like that since the night I met Julian! "I can most definitely tell you I have not met one decent guy for the past few weeks." Which is so true. Julian was such a prize jerk.
She didn't look satisfied. "Then what's up with you?" she asked. "And don't lie to me, Agatha. I know something's been eating you."
I wished she would stop using the word "eating". "Nothing!" I insist. "You know me. I just get the blues every now and then. I just got them worse than usual. But I'm fine now." I spread out my arms. "Fi-ine. Look at me. Don't I look all right to you?"
She studied me for a moment. "All right," she said grudgingly. "You do look okay. Better than okay, in fact." She frowned at me. "Just don't pull any weird tricks after this."
"I won't," I promised.
"So are you coming to college tomorrow or what?"
"Yep, you can count on that." I've missed enough classes as it is.
"Good. Now I just have one last thing to ask you."
"What's that?"
"Just what make up did you get your hands on? Don't lie to me on this one - there is no way you can look that great without make up."
Fuck, what do I say? Oh, it's just this new make up line I discovered the other day, Jules, it's called Face of Vampira. "Are you saying I'm not naturally gorgeous?" I demanded, offended.
It took me a while to get out of that one.

Vampires in Church

I'm being really careful when I drink now. I try to keep alert. And I never stave off meal times.
That is so dangerous, you know, like if you miss one day, you get driven to do things that you never would ordinarily do.
Missing a meal when I was a human never did that to me. Who says that vampires have it easy?
Anyway, today I went back to that church I was talking about the last time, the one down on Ames street. I don't know why, I just had the urge to go there.
Gosh, being a vampire must have made me religious. When I was normal I never had the urge to go to church.
I just went there and sat down in one of the pews. It's actually kind of nice and peaceful to just sit there and think, with no one about you. I was getting sick of being in my apartment and the graveyard's a little cold.
Anyway, one of those priest people show up. Called himself Father Joseph. And he just came by and smiled at me in that fatherly manner that priests have and mentioned he hadn't seen me before. I said I didn't come often. "It's pretty peaceful here," I added.
He nodded. "When there are no services I like to just come here and pray."
"I never pray," I said, frowning.
To his credit, he didn't look shocked or disapproving. He just kept smiling and nodding. "But maybe you already do but you don't know that you are praying to God," he said.
I don't know what he was talking about but I just gave him a kind of half-smile half-grimace thing and hoped I looked like I understood.
"Whenever we are in trouble," he went on, "sometimes we pray to God for help, even though we don't realize that we're doing so." He added, "You look like you are in need of prayer. There is some problem bothering you?"
"Father, you don't know the half of it," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Perhaps talking about it would help?"
"No, I doubt it would," I said. "I'm probably beyond help now." Then I realized how that sounded and laughed. "Don't worry, Father, I don't mean that I'm suicidal. Far from it."
He studied me for a moment without smiling. "Sometimes," he said, "that can be the worst thing of all. To suffer from a problem that you cannot run from. But this is reality. All people have to deal with it. Running away will only make a problem worse. The best thing to do is to face up to your problem but that can be a very difficult thing to do."
Yeah, I thought, so does that mean I should face up to the fact that I'm a monster?
"But remember, child, no matter what, God's grace will always be with you."
Something in my face must have made him realized how skeptical I was of that, so he adds this next piece of wisdom.
"Sometimes we do things which we think are unforgivable. When that happens, we can often be our worst punisher, refusing to forgive ourselves even though others have already forgiven us. But when that happens, we mustn't allow ourselves to remain fixated on the sin we have committed. God has already forgive us before we have even committed these sins, why can we not forgive ourselves? We may not be able to remedy the sin, so let us leave that. We are not God, we are only human. What we can do, however, is to go on with our lives, to continuing doing our best. That is all we can do, really, and that is the best path we can."
I don't know why, but I left the church feeling a lot better.

Old Memories.

As you can guess from the last entry, I didn't go to any of my classes for the rest of today. Instead, I went to visit Mum and Dad.
They're down in the Memorial Graveyard (talk about original names), in the west-south corner by the big birches.
It's a very nice, very peaceful place. I know it sounds stupid, but the wind always sounds like music when it blows through the birches, with the scent of the lilacs on it. Don't laugh, this was how it was since I was a kid.
I wonder what they would think of their daughter if they knew she was all grown up and well on her way to becoming a murderer.
Guess it's time to cancel that life insurance. Won't be needing it any time soon.
Julie came by tonight. She wanted to know why I wasn't in college again. I left the door shut and told her I was sick. She accepted my story pretty easily, probably because of how mad I was acting the night before when I was near-crazed with thirst.

Dark Secrets.

Today I almost killed someone.
I don't know how that happen. Actually, I do.
I got hungry.
Last night Solz and Julie came over to hang, like usual. Only, as you know, things aren't the usual anymore. Anyway, they stayed until, like, almost one in the morning and by then I was going out of my mind and might have jumped either of them at any moment. I finally kicked them out, pretending I was tired. Maybe the crazed look in my eyes got them out too.
And then they had to go and linger outside my apartment while Solz takes a smoke! I felt like snatching the cigarette out of his filthy little hand and smashing it into his eye.
They finally got a move on and I sneaked out to prowl the streets. At that time I would have just about settled for anything, even a filthy homeless man. Usually I'm a picky eater. I like my meals clean and, call me shallow, good-looking as well. I mean, c'mon. Can you imagine biting into some sweaty filthy smelly throat? Like, ew.
But at that moment, give me a rat and I'd have bit it. And that was when I saw him.
He was just a high school kid, I'm guessing freshman. Don't ask me what he was doing wandering around in the a.m. I'm guessing he hasn't anybody at home to worry about him. He was just this skinny guy and I was hungry and no one else was around. I was really, really, really thirsty. His throat looked so good. And the next thing I knew, I couldn't stop drinking, and he was just in my arms and looking like he was having trouble breathing...
And I didn't know what to do so I ran with him to the hospital. Thank God it was only a couple of blocks away, thank God I'm a damn fast runner now. I kind of just threw him on the steps and then someone was coming out so I stepped back into the bushes. They took him in unconscious.
Man, that was the first ever time I felt guilty about taking blood. It was so bad, what if I had killed him?
He didn't die though. I slipped round into the hospital about an hour later when no one was looking. I found him quick enough - his scent was still strong for me after I had drank from him. He was sleeping in a room - two nurses were talking in his room. They have no idea what was wrong with him but he was okay, he was going to pull through.
I left after that. And even though I knew he was gonna be okay, I still feel so guilty. God, I was so scared he was going to die. If he died...
I would be a murderer.
I would be bad after all.
Being evil ain't all it's cracked up to be, huh? It's power in your hands, power to be afraid of. I never thought I'd be scared of something like that, me, Agatha, tough as nails bitch, but I look at my hands and think, I coulda have been like that Hamlet guy.
The sun's up and all now. I watched the sun rise through my room window, over that big abandoned building across the street. I should be getting to college but I don't feel like going. You know that feeling you get sometimes when you just don't want to get up or see anybody, you just feel that you can't look anyone in the face? That's how I feel now. Like a leper or an outcast. I used to think I knew how it felt to be an outcast...but now I really know how it feels.

Vampires pretending to be humans pretending to be vampires

So now that I'm a vampire, I'd like to know a little more about my kind of people. (Just like Claudia from Interview with a Vampire). And, being a modern gal, I do it the same way I do all my other research - online.
And I swear, if those people on all these "real vampire" websites are for real, then vampires must be one of the lamest races in the entire world! I thought we were like, cool people who looked totally Goth and write poetry and look totally moody as we hang at our personal bloodsucking bars playing Ramsteinn and H.I.M., not...these kind of people. Hell, I was a lot more cooler than these people were even before I met Julian.
If these people are proof of real vampires I think I'm better off hanging with humans.
And would you look at the majority of people who go on these websites, begging to be turned into vampires? I guess they'd all be killing to be in my shoes, hahaha. There's this guy who leaves the address of his house, adding that he always leaves a window open. If I was a vampire, i wouldn't bite him, I'd rob him. Hell, I'll do that even if I wasn't one.
Hahaha.

The Attack of Onions

Today Solz and Julie and I were eating in the college cafeteria and Julie is telling us about the experiments she has been doing for her psych class project (something about why people cry or something) and then she suddenly yanks out this huge bag of onions from her backpack and plonks it down directly in front of me.
And then I think everything kind of happened in slow motion and I scream like a hyena and threw myself off my chair, twisting my body Matrix-like in the air, and land on the ground, covering my face, and writhing and shouting "get them away from me!"
And then after a few seconds I realize that I'm not burning or sweating or anything and Julie and Solz are staring at me and having this conversation:
Julie: "Do you think she's on something?"
Solz: "I always told her not to buy her weed from anyone but me."
Julie: "She's been acting like this for the past week."
Solz: "I always told her not to buy her weed from anyone but me."
Julie: (to me) "Agatha, you do realize I'm holding onions for my psych class, not a bomb?"
Solz: (to me and speaking very slowly and clearly as if he's talking to a retard) "Agatha, did you buy weed from anyone but me last week?"
Julie: "Agatha, you do realize everyone is staring at us?"
And so i realize that onions have no effect on vampires whatsoever and that i've just made an idiot out of myself in front of the entire cafeteria and get up and pretend not to have heard what they just said.
Me: "So, Julie, what were you saying about your psych experiment?"
And of course, after that, I have to fend off an interrogation about why I've been such a weirdo for the past week. And I can't very well say, "Oh, don't worry, it's just that I've recently become a vampire! Just a phase, no worries, I promise I'll start acting normal soon!"
Gawd, who says that vampires are people who act cool all the time? Even when I'm undead I still humiliate myself.

The Vampire Gourmet

Today I smacked this mosquito.
And as I looked at it, I wondered, "Hmmm. If I killed enough mosquitoes, might they give me a sufficient meal for a day?"
Naaah. Worst idea ever! First of all, how many mosquitoes would I have to kill? I'd probably go stark raving mad from the thirst! Let's not even go into all the other reasons for that being the worst idea ever for a bloodmeal.
Right now I'm thinking of things like, would blood that comes in one of those blood donor bags from the hospital be different from fresh blood?
Na, I'm not that evil. Let the hospitals keep their blood - they've got enough problems getting enough donors already. Me, I'll stick to fresh meals every night.
And, would it be possible to mix blood with other, er, spices? Like a way of keeping that terrible metallic taste at bay? Maybe some coriander could do wonders.

Death Suits Me

So yesterday I was still struggling with the "Am I bad? Am I good?" idea and I decided to test it out. So I went down to that little church down on Ames Street. I stood outside. I looked at it. I looked at the sky. It's a cloudy sky, that's not good. I put one foot on the step. I wait. Nothing happens. I put another foot on the step. Nothing still happens. I go up the steps. I stand outside the door. I open the door (and quickly pull my hand back). I put my head in. I don't get struck by lightning. I quickly pull it out. Then I put my head in again. There's a big crucifix right in front of me. I scream. I pull back. I realize I'm not on fire, have not been struck by lightning, nor have my eyeballs started sizzling. I gingerly push my way in through the doors and look at the crucifix. I step back out again. I step back in. I go and sit in the back pew. The nun sitting by the confessional booth is looking at me strangely. I get up and leave.
So I won't get struck by lightning in a church, I can enter a church and crucifixes don't make my eyeballs burn. Well, the jury is out. I'm not evil! At least, not totally!
And today I actually went to college. It felt very strange, like it was a routine normal day, and everything was normal but I'm not normal. I barely paid any attention in class. (Well, that was normal). I told Solz and Julie that I had been sick and had been in bed most of the past few days sleeping, that's why I never opened the door when they came by. I don't know if they believe me. They said I looked different. Well, you would too if you were dead! I said maybe because I've been sick. "Well," Solz said, "you should be sick more often. Sickness suits you."
Honestly, in my current situation, I don't know if if I should take that as a compliment or an insult.
They wanted me to go clubbing with them tonight but I said I still felt kind of whoozy and just wanted to sleep in. I'm not exactly ready to rejoin the normal world, if I ever could.
Haha - I guess the right term should be death suits me.

Bad or what?

Most of the websites online about vampires are full of shit. Not a single one helps me figure out what I am...not even the ones which claim they know about "real vampires." Real vampires my ass. They should be interviewing me, now I'm a real vampire, no life, fangs, fucked up and all.
Solz and Julie came by again. I could hear them yakking outside, loud and clear, even without needing my new sharp-as-a-needle hearing because the walls are so bloody thin.
Julie: "Where do you think she is?"
Solz: "I don't know...do you think she had a heart attack and dropped dead in there?"
Julie: "Solz! Shut up. Do you think we should break the door?"
Solz: "Maybe she just took off for a couple of days."
Julie: "That's not like her."
Solz: "Yeah, she can be pretty unpredictable."
UNPREDICTABLE????
I'll tell you what, I was pretty damn predictable until that fucked up Julian came along and turned my life upside down and made it totally completely UNPREDICTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am...was...am a whole lot more predictable than either Solz or Julie!
Anyway they finally left and I just prowled around my flat, looking in the mirror and watching my fangs grow and shrink, grow and shrink. Which is quite fun. I wonder if I have to brush them out completely as well?
I only headed out when it was dark. Now I know where they get all those ideas of vampires being night people. It's a whole lot more safer to hunt someone without getting caught at night. Tonight I drank this girl's blood. She must be in high school, only a couple of years younger than I was. Blonde and blue-eyed chick, looks like the popular cheerleader type. I didn't feel bad at all about feeding on her - those cheerleader chicks never cut me any slack in school.
Does that make me a bad person that I don't feel guilty at all?

I don't have a pulse!

Not that I would ever know because even when i was alive I never could tell how to feel a pulse on my wrist. But I ran up seven flights of steps and felt no heartbeat in my chest.
Hmm. Interesting. Does that mean I still have a heart? Or it's just like completely still in there? So what happens to hearts if they don't keep pumping? Do they start growing mold in there?
Ew. That's a thought.
Solz called me today. And so did Julie. I let the answering machine picked up. Then they showed up after classes and banged on the door but I pretended I wasn't home. I don't know why. I just...didn't feel like talking to them... like...I don't know...
I just feel so totally mixed up over what I am now. I'm not ready to talk to them about it and I guess you could say i'm a little worried too. Like, how do you resume a normal life after you've realized you've just become a vampire? Can you ever have a normal life? What if they can see in my face that I'm no longer the same old Agatha again?
Am I still the same Agatha?

I just had my first meal

Or should I say second since technically my first meal was that stray dog which completely sucked. I mean, come on, have you ever tried biting into a stray dog? Do you know how filthy they are? the fleas? the smell? God, I was desperate.
And like I said, thanks to Julian (or so that was what Mr. Hot Vampire who ran off - so typical of boys! shows that all guys, living or dead, are such complete jerks - called himself), I was left without any idea of how to unlive my life - pardon the pun - or any idea of vampire table etiquette. So there i was just sitting in my dinky apartment and noticing that
a) vampires have reflections
b) And boy, do I look good! In fact, far better than i ever have in my entire life, so that explains why Julian-if-that's-his-real-name looked so hot. Vampirism - the new plastic surgery. Works like a charm.
c) the bad news is that I can hear the next door neighbours fighting in louder volume than ever, not to mention all the rats down in the Dumpsters which also means
d) senses are all up, which also means that i can dump the glasses i've been wearing! YES! vampirism has its points!
e) so I wondered if I was stronger now and tried lifting that holey old armchair which Solz promised me he'd come around to help me carry out and down six flights of steps to the Dumpsters.
f) i AM stronger now!
And while I'm admiring my reflection and my new biceps, i got hungry and damn, that is one thirst that even my favourite organic apple juice does not cure. Man, you do not know how bad that is, it got so bad that my apartment walls were like spinning around me. I tried, yeah, the Bad Fairy knew how hard I tried to ignore that damn thirst because I am SO not putting my mouth on another mangy dog and the next thing i know, I had jumped up to the windowsill and I was leaping down from the window, down seven floors, i'm not kidding you, and then next thing i know i was heading towards the park, like I knew where I was just going. It was like some kind of new killer instinct, I kid you not. I seemed to know what to do, where to go, why I was going to the park (safer to hunt there), checking out everyone I passed by and dismissing them as potential victims the way you reject certain fruits at the grocer's, and then bam! I spy this guy in the park and I'm onto him faster than you can say "Holy Jumping Stakes."
And this is when I discover - I can hypnotize with my eyes! and I can grow long canine teeth and flesh out a vein even though I've always failed biology!
And not to mention that blood is not that "elixer of paradise" that they gush about in vampire books and stuff. In fact, it's not even remotely that great. It tastes totally metallic, like iron, for starters. In fact, the only good thing about it is that it totally relives that maddening thirst. And after that you don't feel hungry or thirsty for anything else. And you feel - oh, so powerful after that. Like you can just do anything.
And then I found that I could, like, just look that guy in his glazed eyes and somehow made him not remember a thing of what just happened. I don't know how I did it or how I knew how to do it, I just did it. Then i left him sitting on the ground while I hurried out of that place. I think he'll be okay. I don't know how I know how to do these things. I guess "Julian" must have imprinted some kind of vampire instincts in me when he changed me.
And so this is why I have ended up right now, sitting among all these geeks at a cyber cafe, writing this with a cup of coffee next to me that I have absolutely no interest in drinking. I don't know. I didn't feel like going back to my flat. I don't know what to do, where I'm going. Truth is, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and scared. Like how you feel when you get out of high school and all these big decisions about which college and what course to take or even if you should go to college. Except this is a thousand times worse. What am I? Am I bad? evil? I'm preying on my own kind. Am I even my own kind anymore?
Fuck it, being a vampire hasn't made life any easier for me, in fact it's given me even more problems.

Just FYI...

My name is Agatha. And no wisecracks about that name or I'll bite your head off. And trust me, I can definitely do that now. Now that I'm a vampire.
"Whassat?" you might say. Read the headlines at the top of the screen, bozo. Yep, Ms Average, the boring girl with the boring brown hair and boring brown eyes who was studying boring things in that boring college whom you never noticed is now little Ms Lucrezia Borgia. And I didn't even plan it. It was like, walking back from college through the park to my dippy little flat one night, swoosh, hot guy swoops down, hot guy smiles and acts friendly, you wonder if hot guy is slightly crazed but notices how hot he is and feels flattered anyway because your brain cells just fried, hot guy walks through the park with you, you notice how near his lips are, hot guy and you start majorly making out and you don't care that you just met two minutes ago because you're too mesmerized by his hotness and what a damn good kisser he is, and then before you know it, hot guy tears into your throat.
Next thing you know, hot guy is forcing you to drink blood from his wrist, you're going "EWWW!" but he forces you. And then the next thing you know, he's smiling at you while you're in total daze because of all that blood loss and he goes "Now you're one of mine." And then he leaves you in the park and walks off.
Then you blackout and don't wake up until it's 5 am and you're hungry and tear into that stray dog that wanders in the park. And it's only after the poor old dog dies that you go, "DAMN! I'm a VAMPIRE! WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT JERK DO TO ME?????"
And he doesn't even have the courtesey to stick around and advise me on what to do! I mean like, "Now you're one of mine?" who the fuck spouts cliches like that? He could at least leave me like a "Guidelines on Being a Vampire."
So, like, the sun suddenly rises and I'm on the floor yelling and screaming because I'm sure I'm burning and then it's like..."oh, wait. I'm not on fire. Nevermind."
So here I am, Agatha, clueless new-born vampire, trying to find her way in life, not exactly sure what the hell she should be doing now. And it's not as if it's making life any better. I mean, it's bad enough that I have a boring life, now I have a neverending boring life.
Damn.