Just FYI...
My name is Agatha. And no wisecracks about that name or I'll bite your head off. And trust me, I can definitely do that now. Now that I'm a vampire.
"Whassat?" you might say. Read the headlines at the top of the screen, bozo. Yep, Ms Average, the boring girl with the boring brown hair and boring brown eyes who was studying boring things in that boring college whom you never noticed is now little Ms Lucrezia Borgia. And I didn't even plan it. It was like, walking back from college through the park to my dippy little flat one night, swoosh, hot guy swoops down, hot guy smiles and acts friendly, you wonder if hot guy is slightly crazed but notices how hot he is and feels flattered anyway because your brain cells just fried, hot guy walks through the park with you, you notice how near his lips are, hot guy and you start majorly making out and you don't care that you just met two minutes ago because you're too mesmerized by his hotness and what a damn good kisser he is, and then before you know it, hot guy tears into your throat.
Next thing you know, hot guy is forcing you to drink blood from his wrist, you're going "EWWW!" but he forces you. And then the next thing you know, he's smiling at you while you're in total daze because of all that blood loss and he goes "Now you're one of mine." And then he leaves you in the park and walks off.
Then you blackout and don't wake up until it's 5 am and you're hungry and tear into that stray dog that wanders in the park. And it's only after the poor old dog dies that you go, "DAMN! I'm a VAMPIRE! WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT JERK DO TO ME?????"
And he doesn't even have the courtesey to stick around and advise me on what to do! I mean like, "Now you're one of mine?" who the fuck spouts cliches like that? He could at least leave me like a "Guidelines on Being a Vampire."
So, like, the sun suddenly rises and I'm on the floor yelling and screaming because I'm sure I'm burning and then it's like..."oh, wait. I'm not on fire. Nevermind."
So here I am, Agatha, clueless new-born vampire, trying to find her way in life, not exactly sure what the hell she should be doing now. And it's not as if it's making life any better. I mean, it's bad enough that I have a boring life, now I have a neverending boring life.
Damn.
"Whassat?" you might say. Read the headlines at the top of the screen, bozo. Yep, Ms Average, the boring girl with the boring brown hair and boring brown eyes who was studying boring things in that boring college whom you never noticed is now little Ms Lucrezia Borgia. And I didn't even plan it. It was like, walking back from college through the park to my dippy little flat one night, swoosh, hot guy swoops down, hot guy smiles and acts friendly, you wonder if hot guy is slightly crazed but notices how hot he is and feels flattered anyway because your brain cells just fried, hot guy walks through the park with you, you notice how near his lips are, hot guy and you start majorly making out and you don't care that you just met two minutes ago because you're too mesmerized by his hotness and what a damn good kisser he is, and then before you know it, hot guy tears into your throat.
Next thing you know, hot guy is forcing you to drink blood from his wrist, you're going "EWWW!" but he forces you. And then the next thing you know, he's smiling at you while you're in total daze because of all that blood loss and he goes "Now you're one of mine." And then he leaves you in the park and walks off.
Then you blackout and don't wake up until it's 5 am and you're hungry and tear into that stray dog that wanders in the park. And it's only after the poor old dog dies that you go, "DAMN! I'm a VAMPIRE! WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT JERK DO TO ME?????"
And he doesn't even have the courtesey to stick around and advise me on what to do! I mean like, "Now you're one of mine?" who the fuck spouts cliches like that? He could at least leave me like a "Guidelines on Being a Vampire."
So, like, the sun suddenly rises and I'm on the floor yelling and screaming because I'm sure I'm burning and then it's like..."oh, wait. I'm not on fire. Nevermind."
So here I am, Agatha, clueless new-born vampire, trying to find her way in life, not exactly sure what the hell she should be doing now. And it's not as if it's making life any better. I mean, it's bad enough that I have a boring life, now I have a neverending boring life.
Damn.
posted by Darkschunt at 10:23 AM
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