The Attack of Onions

Today Solz and Julie and I were eating in the college cafeteria and Julie is telling us about the experiments she has been doing for her psych class project (something about why people cry or something) and then she suddenly yanks out this huge bag of onions from her backpack and plonks it down directly in front of me.
And then I think everything kind of happened in slow motion and I scream like a hyena and threw myself off my chair, twisting my body Matrix-like in the air, and land on the ground, covering my face, and writhing and shouting "get them away from me!"
And then after a few seconds I realize that I'm not burning or sweating or anything and Julie and Solz are staring at me and having this conversation:
Julie: "Do you think she's on something?"
Solz: "I always told her not to buy her weed from anyone but me."
Julie: "She's been acting like this for the past week."
Solz: "I always told her not to buy her weed from anyone but me."
Julie: (to me) "Agatha, you do realize I'm holding onions for my psych class, not a bomb?"
Solz: (to me and speaking very slowly and clearly as if he's talking to a retard) "Agatha, did you buy weed from anyone but me last week?"
Julie: "Agatha, you do realize everyone is staring at us?"
And so i realize that onions have no effect on vampires whatsoever and that i've just made an idiot out of myself in front of the entire cafeteria and get up and pretend not to have heard what they just said.
Me: "So, Julie, what were you saying about your psych experiment?"
And of course, after that, I have to fend off an interrogation about why I've been such a weirdo for the past week. And I can't very well say, "Oh, don't worry, it's just that I've recently become a vampire! Just a phase, no worries, I promise I'll start acting normal soon!"
Gawd, who says that vampires are people who act cool all the time? Even when I'm undead I still humiliate myself.