Death Suits Me

So yesterday I was still struggling with the "Am I bad? Am I good?" idea and I decided to test it out. So I went down to that little church down on Ames Street. I stood outside. I looked at it. I looked at the sky. It's a cloudy sky, that's not good. I put one foot on the step. I wait. Nothing happens. I put another foot on the step. Nothing still happens. I go up the steps. I stand outside the door. I open the door (and quickly pull my hand back). I put my head in. I don't get struck by lightning. I quickly pull it out. Then I put my head in again. There's a big crucifix right in front of me. I scream. I pull back. I realize I'm not on fire, have not been struck by lightning, nor have my eyeballs started sizzling. I gingerly push my way in through the doors and look at the crucifix. I step back out again. I step back in. I go and sit in the back pew. The nun sitting by the confessional booth is looking at me strangely. I get up and leave.
So I won't get struck by lightning in a church, I can enter a church and crucifixes don't make my eyeballs burn. Well, the jury is out. I'm not evil! At least, not totally!
And today I actually went to college. It felt very strange, like it was a routine normal day, and everything was normal but I'm not normal. I barely paid any attention in class. (Well, that was normal). I told Solz and Julie that I had been sick and had been in bed most of the past few days sleeping, that's why I never opened the door when they came by. I don't know if they believe me. They said I looked different. Well, you would too if you were dead! I said maybe because I've been sick. "Well," Solz said, "you should be sick more often. Sickness suits you."
Honestly, in my current situation, I don't know if if I should take that as a compliment or an insult.
They wanted me to go clubbing with them tonight but I said I still felt kind of whoozy and just wanted to sleep in. I'm not exactly ready to rejoin the normal world, if I ever could.
Haha - I guess the right term should be death suits me.