Dark Secrets.
Today I almost killed someone.
I don't know how that happen. Actually, I do.
I got hungry.
Last night Solz and Julie came over to hang, like usual. Only, as you know, things aren't the usual anymore. Anyway, they stayed until, like, almost one in the morning and by then I was going out of my mind and might have jumped either of them at any moment. I finally kicked them out, pretending I was tired. Maybe the crazed look in my eyes got them out too.
And then they had to go and linger outside my apartment while Solz takes a smoke! I felt like snatching the cigarette out of his filthy little hand and smashing it into his eye.
They finally got a move on and I sneaked out to prowl the streets. At that time I would have just about settled for anything, even a filthy homeless man. Usually I'm a picky eater. I like my meals clean and, call me shallow, good-looking as well. I mean, c'mon. Can you imagine biting into some sweaty filthy smelly throat? Like, ew.
But at that moment, give me a rat and I'd have bit it. And that was when I saw him.
He was just a high school kid, I'm guessing freshman. Don't ask me what he was doing wandering around in the a.m. I'm guessing he hasn't anybody at home to worry about him. He was just this skinny guy and I was hungry and no one else was around. I was really, really, really thirsty. His throat looked so good. And the next thing I knew, I couldn't stop drinking, and he was just in my arms and looking like he was having trouble breathing...
And I didn't know what to do so I ran with him to the hospital. Thank God it was only a couple of blocks away, thank God I'm a damn fast runner now. I kind of just threw him on the steps and then someone was coming out so I stepped back into the bushes. They took him in unconscious.
Man, that was the first ever time I felt guilty about taking blood. It was so bad, what if I had killed him?
He didn't die though. I slipped round into the hospital about an hour later when no one was looking. I found him quick enough - his scent was still strong for me after I had drank from him. He was sleeping in a room - two nurses were talking in his room. They have no idea what was wrong with him but he was okay, he was going to pull through.
I left after that. And even though I knew he was gonna be okay, I still feel so guilty. God, I was so scared he was going to die. If he died...
I would be a murderer.
I would be bad after all.
Being evil ain't all it's cracked up to be, huh? It's power in your hands, power to be afraid of. I never thought I'd be scared of something like that, me, Agatha, tough as nails bitch, but I look at my hands and think, I coulda have been like that Hamlet guy.
The sun's up and all now. I watched the sun rise through my room window, over that big abandoned building across the street. I should be getting to college but I don't feel like going. You know that feeling you get sometimes when you just don't want to get up or see anybody, you just feel that you can't look anyone in the face? That's how I feel now. Like a leper or an outcast. I used to think I knew how it felt to be an outcast...but now I really know how it feels.
I don't know how that happen. Actually, I do.
I got hungry.
Last night Solz and Julie came over to hang, like usual. Only, as you know, things aren't the usual anymore. Anyway, they stayed until, like, almost one in the morning and by then I was going out of my mind and might have jumped either of them at any moment. I finally kicked them out, pretending I was tired. Maybe the crazed look in my eyes got them out too.
And then they had to go and linger outside my apartment while Solz takes a smoke! I felt like snatching the cigarette out of his filthy little hand and smashing it into his eye.
They finally got a move on and I sneaked out to prowl the streets. At that time I would have just about settled for anything, even a filthy homeless man. Usually I'm a picky eater. I like my meals clean and, call me shallow, good-looking as well. I mean, c'mon. Can you imagine biting into some sweaty filthy smelly throat? Like, ew.
But at that moment, give me a rat and I'd have bit it. And that was when I saw him.
He was just a high school kid, I'm guessing freshman. Don't ask me what he was doing wandering around in the a.m. I'm guessing he hasn't anybody at home to worry about him. He was just this skinny guy and I was hungry and no one else was around. I was really, really, really thirsty. His throat looked so good. And the next thing I knew, I couldn't stop drinking, and he was just in my arms and looking like he was having trouble breathing...
And I didn't know what to do so I ran with him to the hospital. Thank God it was only a couple of blocks away, thank God I'm a damn fast runner now. I kind of just threw him on the steps and then someone was coming out so I stepped back into the bushes. They took him in unconscious.
Man, that was the first ever time I felt guilty about taking blood. It was so bad, what if I had killed him?
He didn't die though. I slipped round into the hospital about an hour later when no one was looking. I found him quick enough - his scent was still strong for me after I had drank from him. He was sleeping in a room - two nurses were talking in his room. They have no idea what was wrong with him but he was okay, he was going to pull through.
I left after that. And even though I knew he was gonna be okay, I still feel so guilty. God, I was so scared he was going to die. If he died...
I would be a murderer.
I would be bad after all.
Being evil ain't all it's cracked up to be, huh? It's power in your hands, power to be afraid of. I never thought I'd be scared of something like that, me, Agatha, tough as nails bitch, but I look at my hands and think, I coulda have been like that Hamlet guy.
The sun's up and all now. I watched the sun rise through my room window, over that big abandoned building across the street. I should be getting to college but I don't feel like going. You know that feeling you get sometimes when you just don't want to get up or see anybody, you just feel that you can't look anyone in the face? That's how I feel now. Like a leper or an outcast. I used to think I knew how it felt to be an outcast...but now I really know how it feels.
posted by Darkschunt at 9:03 AM
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